Tips to Start a Conversation in a Party

Tips to Start a Conversation in a Party

The pleasure of making tapestries while pretending to observe the fascinating diversity of the crowd being relatively limited, and taking three days in advance being a little short deadline to solve a social fear that pushes to shyness, here are some suggestions to engage in conversation with complete strangers… and once is not usual, some are recipes!

Because, let’s say, waiting for a charitable soul to break the ice for us is not very safe: the fear of engaging in conversation with strangers is very common and if this is the case for us, it is also the fear of most of the other people present. On the other hand, engaging in conversation allows us to build our self-esteem and enjoy an evening of great encounters.

1- Review your convictions

It is a long time ago when our parents had good reasons to assert truths such as “don’t talk to strangers”. And yet, convictions of all kinds may have left traces that hinder our ease of moving towards the other: “I am incapable of it”, “I have nothing interesting to say” etc.
List these erroneous or limiting beliefs:
Where do they come from? What are they for? What would be more appropriate to think of instead?

2- Prepare mentally

With our friends and family, we are comfortable and speak easily. And then they find us interesting and friendly. Visualize yourself talking to your loved ones:
Observe your gestures, your posture, the tone of your voice, your way of expressing yourself.
Then imagine yourself having a big conversation with a stranger, and with the same ease. The more you are aware of this, the more likely it is that you will be able to reproduce them in a more anxious situation.

3- Get rid of your prejudices and anticipate the best

Going to a party convinced that there will only be morons since it’s Patrick’s friends (the co-worker who is a bling-bling), gives you little chance to be open to the possibility that his friend Jean-Michel will be an interesting and educated guy. Or, believe that you are the only one in the world who has difficulty making contact with strangers, so you will necessarily be the only biped clumsily condemned to remain isolated. Be curious and think about what you might want to share:
What kinds of people would you like to meet? What conversations would you like to have?

4- Identify topics of conversation around you

That’s it, you’re there, and you feel very lonely.
Observe around you: decoration, photos, objects etc.
Which ones are of interest to you and would allow you to start a conversation?
Observe the people present
What are the details (clothing, jewellery, badge, etc.) that will allow you to enter into conversation, for example by asking a question or making a compliment?

5- Smile

It’s so simple! The smile is naturally engaging. If we smile when we look at a person, we will immediately Let’s remember that flies are not attracted to vinegar. If you already arrive bitter and negative, with your bulldog face, bear, oyster, sea urchin and so on (the bestiary of uninviting behaviour is vast), few people will want to talk to you.

6- Admit the difficulty

One very simple way to enter into conversation, even when you feel very shy, is to reveal yourself a little. It seems that dolphins, as a sign of non-aggression (and therefore social acceptance), show their bellies, the most vulnerable part of their anatomy. Engaging in conversation by admitting that you don’t know anyone and that pfff, it’s not easy to talk to strangers reduces stage fright. And then, all you have to do is introduce yourself and let’s go.

7- Ask questions

“Dinner was delicious.” This type of comment, however enthusiastic it may be, is not conducive to conversation. Follow up with questions that will invite your interlocutor to speak.
Did you see all these pictures of their trip to Mongolia? I think they’re beautiful. Have you been there? Do you travel a little?

8- Bounce back

“Oh, you know, I don’t travel much.” You just made a monumental effort to ask a question and it didn’t get you very far. Are you going to admit defeat and spend a rotten evening leaning against the fireplace? You can also choose to bounce back by following up with another question: “You probably have other exciting activities. What do you do with your free time?”

9- Maintain the conversation

Simply by continuing to ask questions based on what the other person tells you. Remember: the more interest we show in each other, the more interesting we are to each other (and so they will also ask us questions). And then the interest is self-sustaining: as you learn more and more, the chances of you finding your own interesting interlocutor increase.

10- Pitfalls to avoid

Some attitudes kill the desire to converse as surely as a pesticide:
– The questioning.
– Taking territory: I ask you 2 questions to be able to talk about me non-stop for 40 minutes.
– The display, like my life, my work.
– Interruptions: let your interlocutor finish before telling this anecdote that is so exciting and funny.
– Whining and complaints (see: smile)
– Paternalism as an adviser: I know better than you and I’ll let you know.

– Nose in the smartphone all night long. In the past, we used to hold ourselves in check by lighting a cigarette, nowadays we pretend to be busy with exciting virtual conversations. The problem is that it makes you unavailable to those around you and may want to engage in conversation with you;)

As a bonus, if you are the host
For once, you know everyone and are safe from the tapestry evening. Have a thought for your comrades! To contribute to the good atmosphere of your evening, introduce everyone to each other as much as possible, focusing on a common characteristic or one that can trigger interest.

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